Jesus Take the Wheel

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Emily gets some comfort from sitting in her grandma's lap

Sometimes, it is hard to see the plan that awaiting you for the plan is not made by you.  God has a plan for our lives and the hardest thing that humans have to do is surrender to the plan.  Don’t get me wrong, I like to plan and still do but knowing that sometimes there is no way to know what is in store for you.

If you believe, like I do, that God doesn’t give you things you can’t handle nor would he give you a change in your life that was not for a reason –you will appreciate what you are about to hear.  I have been fighting– pushing back against the plan because it was not what I had planned.  I did not plan to buy a house that was expensive and have my husband lose his job.  I did not plan to pull my daughter out of daycare and have my husband watch her.  I did not plan to spend the last four days sleeping in a hospital room while my daughter had a tube in her nose but this is what has happened.

You have heard about Scott being laid off and he is still not back to work.  We recently made the decision to pull her from daycare.  We thought the layoff would be temporary and we would leave her in daycare so we wouldn’t lose our spot and have to find a new daycare when Scott went back to work.  We began to realize that Scott wasn’t going back to work soon and we were wasting tons of money on something we didn’t need. We gave notice to daycare last week and have felt guilty because we didn’t want her to miss her friends or her daycare provider who had watched her since she was three months old.

Then this illness came.  Emily was hospitalized Thursday night because she couldn’t breathe.  She had to be put on oxygen and have her oxygen levels monitored as well as around the clock breathing treatments.  Scott and slept there with her until she was released last night.

Now we are home and I am still foggy headed and not thinking all the way from being exhausted but I think something is clear.  Emily needs a parent home with her to care for her and her new asthma diagnosis.  She needs to be away from the daycare scene for awhile where there are so many viruses waiting to supress her immune system and flair up her asthma.

Maybe this is all meant to be.

Maybe I am just thinking about it this way because that is what I need to do to feel better about it but maybe not.  Maybe Scott was meant to be home with his baby right now.  All I know is that I am tired.

I believe, therefore I can survive this and anything else that may come my way.

Maybe this is all meant to be.

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