On the first day I wrote this blog, I said that I felt so out of control and helpless that I felt I needed to get it out. I realized today, when I woke up, I am okay now. One month and one day before Emily’s first birthday I am okay. So, for you new moms out there counting the days until you feel “normal” again, I am telling you, today is my day. I feel normal today. I woke up this morning, I took a shower, I got Emily and I ready for work and daycare, I took Emily to daycare and it hit me– this is my life and I feel normal doing it. Not a zombie in someone else’s body, not a version of me that I don’t know or recognize, I am finally just me. Sure, I am me with a baby but today was different. Today, I felt like me. I thought about what changed and I don’t really know. Maybe that I feel like I know what I am doing now? Or that at least I think I can reasonably figure it out. I am not sure. It is a pretty good feeling though.
I love my child and I love my husband. I love myself– right now, the way I am. Today is a new day.
