Emily has her first freckle. Ha, ha! It is so cute and little and I thought it was dirt. I tried to rub it off in the tub and it didn’t come off though. I will try to snap a photo of it soon. Emily is also turning into quite the comedienne. She has discovered if she does things that are silly that people will pay attention to her and laugh. If you don’t know me or how I was when I was a kid, this might be a little shocking that a two year old is already hamming it up with a comedy routine where she throws herself to the floor, pretends to trip or smacks herself in the head for comedic effect. For those of you who do know me, you know that this wrecks Mary circa 1983! Well, Emily is quite hilarious and she knows it. What a ham! Also in Emily related items, we have not been getting much sleep lately. She has been sitting in her crib talking until almost 9 a lot of nights and then waking up really early like somewhere between 5:30 and 6:30. Some days when she doesn’t take a nap, she goes right to sleep and sleeps right on through. She told me this morning that her teeth hurt. I went in to get her and she said “I’m sorry Mama, my teeth hurt”. I don’t know if they really hurt or if she just remembers another time I asked her why she was up so early and then asked if her teeth hurt. It is rather puzzling. Could be a combination of her teeth hurt and she sees that it is light outside still and it has been pretty hot in our house even with her fan on. Anyway, I am kind sleepy now because of it and I am sure she is too. Hopefully it is just a phase.
On Friday, I turned 29. I kept joking that it would be last birthday for me as I plan to tell everyone I am 29 from now on. Emily and I joined my parents and two of my sisters for a trip to Sacramento to visit with my Grandma and some of my Aunts and Uncles. Emily was really good on the airplane trip and actually enjoyed taking off and landing. She yelled “Wee!” when we took off and landed and when we landed in Seattle on the way home Emily shrieked “ Momma, the plane is on the ground!” which got a good laugh from everyone who could hear. She liked looking out the window at the trees, clouds and water and she even followed directions pretty well when we were in the airport. I told her Megan was her travel buddy and that she had to hold Megan’s hand (mine were full of carry-on luggage and her car seat). She sat in her carseat on the plane because I didn’t want her to think she could get down. Judging from the other mother who had her toddler on her lap, I made the right choice. Emily was a great source of entertainment for my Aunts and Uncles and I think my Grandma was really happy to see us while were there. My poor Grandma is getting so old and I think is developing dementia. She cried for a long time when we first got there because she was so happy to see us. I miss the way my Grandma was when I was a kid but I know that growing old is just a part of life. Emily was a little afraid of my Grandma but that’s okay. Old people are a little frightening when you are two. I think since my Grandpa has been gone, life has been a little hard for my Grandma and has changed her a lot. I think that is to be expected. They were together over 60 years. As for me, time seems to be moving so fast lately. Some of it is because I am willing our hard times to move on and some of it is just that I turn around Emily is bigger, different, older. I can’t believe how much she changes and how in the blink of an eye she will be gone and an adult. I always laughed at my parents when they talked about how fast things move but it is so true. Time seems to drag by when you are a kid. You are always wanting to get older, get things you can’t have at the time and it seems that the time in front of you is infinite. It really isn’t. You start to see as you get older that there is an end for everyone and you need to enjoy what you have, when you have it. I am trying not to will my time away. I may have things happening right now that I don’t like but there are plenty of things I don’t want to miss while trying to will those bad things to move on. For now, I am going to enjoy what I have. Please enjoy some photos from my trip and think with me about the wonderful things that you have.
Spring is here and I couldn’t be more happy about it. I have not lived here before in Spring so it is a joyful suprise to find out what is popping up around the yard that I didn’t know would be there. These are the little things in life that I am trying to be thankful for during this trying time in our lives. I want to share a bit of this beauty with you so you can be thankful for beauty along with me!
This little beauty showed up in a whiskey barrel by the front door.
These, in a bed along the neighboring yard.
These appeared at the end of my driveway. I was going to rip out this barrel too because it is all broken.
And what am I really praying for? I am not sure anymore. I think that I thought I was praying for specific things to happen but I decided today that I need to just pray. Not for a specific outcome to anything but just a simple thought sent to God to lead me in the right direction. After all, there is no sense in praying for something that is not the right thing for you and really who knows what is their path but God anyway. I have been learning over the past year how hard it is to let go and let God as they say but I am finding the more I surrender, the more peace that I find. Today is the only day we have. Live it to it’s fullest and let God lead your way. We are only people after all and we can’t do it alone.
Find something worth being thankful for. It is a rough time for many but the strong and those with faith will see the other side with hope and a purpose for tomorrow.
I am all about a little controversy. It keeps life interesting. I was reading a little something about stay at home moms today on one of my favorite websites, BabyCenter. It was a little article about why Dr. Laura says all moms should be stay at home moms and why she feels bad that the children of working mothers have no mother at all. Geez people! I think being a stay at home mom is great. My mom did it and did it well. Dr. Laura is somewhat right, at least about me, in that I do make a choice to go to work instead of stay home. I could give up a lot and keep Emily home with me. Give up a lot in terms of material things. I did feel a little miffed that I was reading that she thought Emily had no mother at all because I went to work. So EXTREME! Emily has a mother, just a different kind of mother. That is what I hope to teach Emily. There are all different kinds of families. Sometimes, mamas work and sometimes they stay at home. Sometimes, there is just a mommy or just a daddy. Sometimes, grandma and grandpa raise the grandkids. Sometimes, moms work at home or only part-time. Everyone is important and the most important thing is that the kids get lots of hugs and cuddles. Trips to the park and cookie dough spoons to lick. Emily gets those things from Scott and I. I think that is okay. Not all parents are good parents but whether they go to work or not is probably not what decides that. After reading that, I needed a little balance. I went over to MommyTrack’d and got a different point of view.
I feel better now.
I have a realized that I am a slacker. All of the drama and no resolution. What kind of blogging mother am I? I am a horrible one, that is what kind. I am going to be better. A weight was lifted from my shoulders lately and I think I am ready to make a commitment to my writing. Here is a beginning.
My husband started his NEW JOB two weeks ago. He is working as a satellite installer for a satellite TV provider. If we know each other, feel free to email for which one. He can earn money if we refer people. So far, he is very happy there. This, in turn, makes the wife happy. I am pleased that we will finally be a double income family again because we had been living as though we were even though we weren’t for awhile.
Emily is doing well with her asthma. We continue to do our once a day treatment and she is used to that now. We found that cold air was a trigger so unfortunately, that means staying inside when it is very cold which was hard for us as we love to be outside whenever the rain lets up which is rare here. We did, however, recently get our hospital bill which is big but not as big as it could have been without health insurance.
Miss Emily is bursting with everything. Words and sentences come out like she has been speaking for years lately. She can identify letters and shapes and colors (not all but some). She has a fiery temper and a loving heart and is excited by everything. She is two and there is no in between emotions for her. It is all or nothing. She gives 100% whether it is for anger or for happiness. Sometimes, she puts herself in her time-out spot because she is so upset that she feels that she needs a time-out. I think this is very mature but also very bizarre. She just knows when she needs to get away from it all because she just can’t stand it. She is so smart. I know all moms feel this way but it is true.
Our lives are bordering on normal lately. We are still trying to adjust to Scott’s new schedule because he has to work one day of the weekend now and sometimes comes home late in the evening so I am on my own. But, we find a blessing in the job because it will pay our bills and so we accept the difference in our schedules as just what life has brought. There are so many who have no jobs at all. We understand this pain. We know we are the lucky ones.
I am feeling very positive because the sun is shining today and I have fresh flowers in my home (I love having fresh flowers, makes it feel like spring). I ate dinner with my parents, sisters, husband and child on my beautiful back deck last night and it was warm and wonderful out there. I had sweet tea and worked in the garden. I think was the best day I have had in a long time. I went to sleep tired and sore from raking and digging but it was good.
Sometimes, it is hard to see the plan that awaiting you for the plan is not made by you. God has a plan for our lives and the hardest thing that humans have to do is surrender to the plan. Don’t get me wrong, I like to plan and still do but knowing that sometimes there is no way to know what is in store for you.
If you believe, like I do, that God doesn’t give you things you can’t handle nor would he give you a change in your life that was not for a reason –you will appreciate what you are about to hear. I have been fighting– pushing back against the plan because it was not what I had planned. I did not plan to buy a house that was expensive and have my husband lose his job. I did not plan to pull my daughter out of daycare and have my husband watch her. I did not plan to spend the last four days sleeping in a hospital room while my daughter had a tube in her nose but this is what has happened.
You have heard about Scott being laid off and he is still not back to work. We recently made the decision to pull her from daycare. We thought the layoff would be temporary and we would leave her in daycare so we wouldn’t lose our spot and have to find a new daycare when Scott went back to work. We began to realize that Scott wasn’t going back to work soon and we were wasting tons of money on something we didn’t need. We gave notice to daycare last week and have felt guilty because we didn’t want her to miss her friends or her daycare provider who had watched her since she was three months old.
Then this illness came. Emily was hospitalized Thursday night because she couldn’t breathe. She had to be put on oxygen and have her oxygen levels monitored as well as around the clock breathing treatments. Scott and slept there with her until she was released last night.
Now we are home and I am still foggy headed and not thinking all the way from being exhausted but I think something is clear. Emily needs a parent home with her to care for her and her new asthma diagnosis. She needs to be away from the daycare scene for awhile where there are so many viruses waiting to supress her immune system and flair up her asthma.
Maybe this is all meant to be.
Maybe I am just thinking about it this way because that is what I need to do to feel better about it but maybe not. Maybe Scott was meant to be home with his baby right now. All I know is that I am tired.
I believe, therefore I can survive this and anything else that may come my way.
Maybe this is all meant to be.
A recent string of events is leading me to write this post.
1. I bought some reusable shopping bags and have been feeling guilty that I am more often using them as an ugly purse than for actual shopping.
2. One of my bosses had a small fit over some plastic that was thrown away instead of reused at the office. She is right. She is very environmentally aware but I figure she has the time for it. She washes out Ziploc bags for God’s sake!
3. She wanted us to all read this article from our local paper. You read it, leave me a comment on what you got from it. She got that it isn’t that hard to not use plastic and that we should all be able to do it. I got that this mother was only able to sustain this practice of not using plastic for a short period of time and that she could take away a few things from the exercise that would reduce her impact but that overall, it was just too hard.
So, what is my point? I am going to conduct my own experiment. Today, is day one. How much stuff am I throwing away everyday? Where can I improve? How can I save the planet when I have so much other stuff to do? It’s not that I care less than my boss. I just don’t have time or energy to clean out Ziploc bags. But maybe there is a happy medium. I am going to see.
There must be a way to be a working mom and do my part. I will keep you updated.